To the Class of 2020

To the Class of 2020: 

My heart hurts for each of you. I know there are so many things you were looking forward to: dances, what feels like last memories with friends, that special moment you get your diploma. You are being stripped away of the culmination of years of effort. I cannot imagine how that must feel. 

So rather than share my photo of my graduation (no one wants to see that), I thought I’d give you some practical thoughts to consider as you embark on the next steps of your life. Some things I wish someone would have told me. 

1. It is ok not to know what you’re going to do with the rest of your life. I loved learning so much that I considered majoring in almost every class I took. Particularly philosophy after getting to debate my paper on the Trial and Death of Socrates Oxford-style. I wish someone would have told me that it was ok to feel those things. I believe, yes, that every person has a purpose. My caution is that I would not get wrapped up in your career being your purpose for life. There’s so much more to you than that. You had a life before your career and you will have one after your career. It is who you are throughout that process that matters. So, take a deep breath, and know it is ok not to have everything figured out. 
2. It is ok to make mistakes, or “fail”. Failure is not final. In many ways, I thought for a while that the first college I chose to go to was a mistake. (I selected that one for the free ride, but there’s so much more to college choice than that). What I realized, though, was that particular college helped push me out of my comfort zone. I learned to talk to people that thought differently from me. I met people that challenged my faith. But faith not challenged, is it really faith at all? Now I can say I’m stronger in the things I believe. I can guarantee you if you feel like you’ve failed, that’s ok. Some of the greatest people fail multiple times. Get back up and grow from it. 
3. It is ok to hurt. 18-20 were some of the most hurtful times of my life. I lost my grandpa during that time and it rocked me. You all are losing so many things, too. There are so many memories you don’t get to make. It is ok to hurt. You do not have to have it all together. It is ok to feel everything you’re feeling. 
4. Don’t rush dating/marriage. If you feel like you’re going to die alone, please take a look at all the crazy people in Hollywood and even in your life that have a spouse. If they can find one, you can, too. But don’t rush God’s timing. I’ve said this to others before, the right thing at the wrong time, is unfortunately the wrong thing for that time. I can tell you from personal experience, the good guys are worth waiting for. 
5. Have fun, but prepare. I know a lot of what I’ve said are things not to feel bad about. I believe that it is important to take your time making decisions. I think you should have fun and really live, and I still believe that to be true for my age as well. But don’t take that as neglect of preparation. There’s time for late night talks with your friends, movies, and all the junk food you can imagine. But there also should be time you set aside for the serious. Your brain is at one of its peak times now, use it. 
6. I’d recommend learning to manage your money. If you don’t know how, find someone you trust to help you. Don’t overspend your way into financial ruin. If you aren’t sure college is for you, don’t take out a bunch of money in student loans to go. Take some time and pray about it. The college will still be there when you’re really ready. 
7. Learn to pray. And I mean really pray. Not just 1 minute “bless the food prayers”. Learn to truly seek God and the other stuff I’ve talked about will sort itself out I promise. 
8. Learn to develop real friendships. Friendships that will survive if you move 1,000 miles away. Friendships that will hurt with you when you hurt. Friendships that love without reservation. Friendships that make you better. 
9. Read the Bible. Learn what you believe and why you do. Study the Bible and really be able to articulate what matters to you. By doing that, show people God’s love. You can reach so many people just by being kind. At the end of the day, we’re all flawed people. Show some grace. 
10. Consider finding a mentor. Find someone or some people a little further on down the road that are where you want to be. Find someone that has qualities you want to have like: grace, wisdom, joy, thoughtfulness, etc. Ask them questions, and study their actions. 
11. Learn to control your words. There’s so much about this in the Bible, so I would recommend even doing a study on it. But watch what you say. Words can’t be taken back once they’ve been spoken. 
12. Through all of this I encourage you to grow. Continue to grow throughout your life. Put good in. There are so many books/podcasts/programs out there for growth. Find a way to improve yourself everyday. None of us are perfect, but we can all get better at something every day, can’t we? 

Congratulations class of 2020. I have no doubt with the hard times you’ve been put through, you will come out of this so much stronger. ❤️

Pray Through The Attack

                A bit of a warning before you read—I’m going to take you through a personal battle in hopes I can help you.

This is a really strange time in our world. I think we can all agree to that. But has anyone else felt specifically attacked? Yes, I used a very strong, but very real word. This word seems to be often avoided in the Christian culture we have today. After all, we are not currently dealing with persecution and martyrdom in the U.S. We live relatively comfortable lives compared to the rest of the world, and we even have the luxury of worshiping God from the peace of our living rooms.

                So why do I bring up attack? I’ve currently been reading through “Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan to Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer” by Priscilla Shirer. It has been the punch to the gut that I have definitely needed, and I highly recommend if you feel attacked currently that you read it. It is interesting though, that the days I have really needed certain chapters, I have felt intensely discouraged to read it. Other things have conveniently gotten in the way of reading some things that I desperately needed to hear.  A small, subtle attack on my mind on days when I’m weak.

                I have learned through this book that the enemy desperately wants us to also get distracted from our communication with God. If he can cut us off from our communication source, we are much more susceptible to his lies. You see, as I started to read this book, I received a new medical diagnosis that I did not want to hear. I was told that I have PCOS. After years of visiting doctors for different concerns, one visit with my new doctor and some lab tests, and the condition was clear.

                Interestingly enough, after seeking out answers, I was angry with the result I had. I was hoping it was just a simple issue, not something that could potentially have long lasting effects on my health and family. It is funny to me that when I finally had an answer to what was happening my initial response was anger. I already have to deal with another medical condition, Lynch Syndrome, isn’t one enough?

                In my self-pity, at first I could not see the attack that was being made against my mind.  You see, no one wants to pray when they are angry. Is it ok that I am transparent enough to say that? I know God has a plan, and I know that His ways are perfect, but what words do I even say when my mind is filled with questions instead of answers? More so than that, who wants to read a book about prayer when prayer is the last thing you want to do?

                Perhaps you are dealing with something similar. Maybe you are going through a battle so personal you also don’t have the words to say when you pray. Maybe this whole COVID-19 situation has thrown your world upside-down, either through a work situation or isolation, that you feel helpless. Maybe you have more questions right now than answers. Can I encourage you for a moment?

                If you have made it this far with me, I encourage you to stop right now and pray. Tell God how you are feeling. Yes, He already knows, but I can assure you that you will feel much better letting it out to the God of the universe, and He wants to hear it from you. Quit hiding behind the lie that you have to have it all together. As humans, due to the fall, we experience stress and pain that we were never built to handle. Acknowledge that you are being attacked right now, that you are in a battle for your mind, and ask God to transform those impossible situations. John 16:33 says, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” We have a unique opportunity to take our struggles to the One Who can defeat any enemy we have. I encourage you to pray when you do not feel like it, because it is during this time that we need it the most. When you do not feel like praying is often when you are attacked, and you need someone to fight those battles for you.

The Bible says in John 10:10, “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” Our enemy wants to steal, kill, and destroy our lives. Those are intense words, but it is an intense battle. If our enemy cannot send us to hell, he wants to try to destroy our peace in the lives we are living now. I want to encourage you, if you have felt like me, reach out to someone. Have someone pray with you. You can reach out to me even if you need prayer. I can tell you that I also have felt defeated, discouraged, and disappointed. It is ok to feel those things, but it is not ok to allow those things to run your life. We are made to live in abundance through the One Who gives us life.

No matter what attack you are facing, my encouragement to you is allow it to bring you closer to God. Pray when it doesn't make sense. Pray when it's hard. Pray when you are angry. Pray when you are sad. Most of all, pray through the attack. 

Personal Peace

   This post may be too personal—if that makes you nervous, certainly stop reading here, you’ve been warned. 

   I’ve in the past struggled with being an anxious person. Being a person of faith, I often feel ashamed to admit this. There is a huge stigma on anxiety in the church in correlation to a lack of dependence on God. I could go on about this, but I won’t since that’s not my purpose. I’ll save that for another day. 

   Anyway, I was reading back on my notes from church Sunday. Pastor Bryan Ries delivered a wonderful message on peace. If you struggle with anxiety, you know that peace is a challenging subject to master. As I was reading back on my notes something really clicked about my personality in my brain. I happened to think I may not be the only one who has mind battles like I do. 

   The quote that stuck out to me the most was, “Peace is confidence and rest in the wisdom and sovereignty of God more than your own.” Breaking that quote apart, that means that peace means putting your trust or faith wholeheartedly in God. This means that peace means there is Someone with greater knowledge, wisdom, and power than you. There is Someone Who not only knows what you want and need, but has the power to fulfill it. I’ve known the power God has throughout my Christian life, so why is peace such a problem?

   Ever since I got my nursing degree in my early 20’s, multiple patients have said I have brought them an unexplainable peace. I’ve also had employees say that I put them at peace as well. When I think of that in relation to that quote, I think about how patients and employees have put their trust in me because they feel I am skilled enough to handle their problems. I have proven myself reliable in some way to them that in many ways they trust me with their lives. 

   As I think about that trust, I think about the many ways I try to rely on myself. Perhaps the reason I bring peace, but don’t always have peace, is due to the fact that I’m also leaning on myself to solve my problems. I learned very young to be independent, to provide for myself, and to take it a step further and help others. None of those things are wrong, until you start believing you are the answer to situations bigger than yourself. Unfortunately, life is full of situations bigger than we expected.   When a diagnosis comes that your body can’t fight on its own, you’re going to need Someone who can help fight for you. When you are transitioning and changing things in your life, you need Someone to help Who knows the next step. 

   Pastor Ries also said, “There is nothing that will come your way that is worthy of robbing your confidence in your sovereign God.” I’ll take that a step further and say there’s nothing that you can handle on your own that is worth you robbing yourself of the joy of having help from a sovereign God. There are many valleys in this life, and from experience I can say there are some that will push you to your breaking point. If you’re going to be at your breaking point, why not be there with Someone Who knows how to put you back together? 

   If you’re struggling today, think about what confidence you may be putting in yourself. I promise you’ll feel much better giving it to God. That doesn’t mean the situation disappears. It certainly doesn’t mean life is easy. What it does mean is peace that brings you through the toughest times. There is nothing that will come your way that your Creator can’t overcome. 

Side bar—if you struggle with any of this: lack of peace, anxiety, or fear, let me know, I’d love to help you overcome! 

After Easter

After Easter and all the gratitude that it brings, I find myself quickly turning back to fear. We’ve celebrated a holiday of the victorious resurrection of Christ, and yet I’m falling back into the grave of my concern. Jesus died to set us free, so why do I try to hold on to my fleeting control? 

Sorry to start this post so heavy. Let me back it up a few days to give a clearer picture. On Friday, I had a routine MD visit. Now that I’m 27, I have to start having a CA-125 tumor marker drawn, just to ensure there is no hidden cancer lurking around. This is the new normal for me and my journey with Lynch. Preventative visit after preventative visit. 

I came out of the appointment pretty positive. The lab tech had a challenge with my veins and had to stab me a total of three times, but she was finally successful. I was feeling calm about everything the doctor and I discussed. 

Flash forward to today, and my stressful work day. My brain has been going in a myriad of directions, and just when I think I can’t possibly handle anymore, I start to think about all that can possibly go wrong. I’ve “taken the control” and placed it back in my hands. 

In my hands, control looks like fear of an undiagnosed enemy. In my hands, control looks like succumbing to physical problems. In my hands, control really isn’t control, but instead the most vulnerable, uncontrolled place I could be. 

I don’t think it is coincidence that my battle with fear today is right after Easter. The Easter story is about our victorious Jesus. It is about all what was completed and defeated when he stepped out of that grave. 

You see, Jesus endured a brutal death for us. Jesus didn’t do anything to deserve that treatment. He healed the sick, welcomed women into acceptance, and loved those that would be considered unlovable. The very people He came to help turned their back on Him. Yet, He endured it all with us in mind. I like to think that He looked a few thousand years ahead and saw a hopeless, poor Kentucky girl, and thought to Himself, “If I don’t do this, she’ll be forever lost. If I don’t do this, she will never know victory. If I don’t do this, she will never know love. She desperately needs me, and if I don’t do this, she will be desperately lost.” I believe He thought the same of you, as well. He paid the ultimate price for me and you. 

Understanding Easter means we understand what Jesus defeated for us, and it means living each day in that victory. If we truly understood each day what He accomplished for us, what would we fear? If we truly grasped what He did for us, why wouldn’t we walk in victory? Why would we bury ourselves in the cares of our current situation? 

I may only be writing this for me, but I encourage everyone reading this to not just remember the resurrection a few days of the year. Don’t forget on the hard days what was done for you when Jesus rose. Jesus wants us to live in victory—even when it’s hard, even when those lab tests are still pending, and even when it is after Easter. 

Feeling Like A Bad Nurse

When I was 19, my whole world changed. My grandpa, my best friend, passed away from Alzheimer’s disease. He had fallen in his nursing home, broken his neck, and sustained a head injury. In all honesty, now working in the long term care industry, I can’t blame them. Falls happen all the time. Even when you have what feels like 500 fall interventions just short of a one-on-one sitter. He was mobile, and loved moving furniture around. It was a losing battle. 

Flash forward a few years to my own journey in nursing. I exited nursing school with starry eyes, anticipating taking the world by storm, and healing every person that somewhat reminded me of my grandpa. I soon found out, though, nursing is not a fairy tale. 

I’m not bashing the company I work for (just as a side bar, I’ve got no problem with them, they treat me well). My concern is with nursing as a whole. Nurses everywhere fight a battle with how many patients they can safely manage with serious conditions. I’ve worked with some amazing nurses in different settings and companies—but many times they are pushed too far with what they can and should handle. Factor in supply cost issues, the dreaded insurance world, medication cost and availability, and a lack of staff to work those extra shifts, and you’ve got the perfect storm. 

On the particularly challenging days, I hesitate to admit, I question why I entered this profession in the first place. I wonder if that’s ok to admit? Does this make me a bad nurse? Does this mean I don’t care about people or the sick? I look around to see more forced smiles like mine. 

At the end of the day, I believe all nurses wish they could do more. I wish I could have had a successful code, but instead I have exited a room to a devastated family. I wish I didn’t have to rush someone to the ICU, or the ER in my current setting, without clear answers. I wish I could prevent every mishap or misstep people make, but people are human, just as I am. 

I’m not saying all this to earn sympathy. There are many nurses that work far harder than I do, and many that experience more challenges than I do. My point in this is to explain that healthcare is dark right now. It’s so challenging on more levels than I could possibly explain. We need more support than ever, and we need more people willing to fill this role than ever. 

So, I challenge everyone reading this to help in one of two ways. The first is to thank a nurse or healthcare worker when receiving care. Having been on both sides, you never know what the person serving you and caring for you is going through themselves. If they’re doing their best for you, do your best for them. The second is if you have an inkling to help people, get into nursing! We need more of you. And if you are a nurse, as I’m telling myself today—we need you. Keep caring when it’s hard, get attached even if you know what the end result is. Help heal the family, not just the person. Most importantly—never forget who or what’s driving you. Whether it’s your version of my grandpa story, your awesome coworkers, or simply the idea of making one person’s day brighter—don’t forget it.  

Live Happy For Hannah

   One morning this week, I was having a very challenging nurse day. I started questioning exactly why I had decided on nursing school. The thought of being a door greeter at Wal-Mart was becoming more and more appealing. (And I certainly would try to find a way to bring back those happy face stickers!) I decided to blare some K-LOVE and muddle through getting ready. 

   I walked to my jewelry chest looking for some earrings to brighten my day a bit, when I saw it out of the corner of my eye. My butterfly bracelet was hanging on the cherry rack urging me to pick it up. This isn’t just any old bracelet. It’s the bracelet that represents the short life of one of the teens that was in mine and Caleb’s youth group. 

   The first time I picked up the bracelet was when Caleb and I visited Maine in October.  We had just come back from Cadillac Mountain and all its beauty, and decided to purchase some gifts to bring back with us. We had stopped at an end of season sale, when I saw a rack of beautiful butterfly bracelets. I love butterflies, and thought what a great gift these might make for our teen girls. Caleb helped me count out upwards of 30 of these bracelets and off we went on our way. 

   It is amazing how God places small things in our lives ready to encourage us in another season. One month later, in the midst of a challenging season, one of those teens passed away in an unexpected car accident. Little did I know, butterflies were one of her favorite things. 

   Hannah was such a strong teen. She was one of the teens who was willing to help in whatever way was needed. She had a work ethic years beyond herself. I will never forget how she volunteered at a lunch we had for fundraising. She was one of the last ones to leave after making sure everything was cleaned and put back into place. An hour later as my husband and I went through the McDonald’s drive through for a snack, she was the one giving us our food through the window. Hannah never let us know she would also be working after the fundraiser—she just jumped in and made sure things got done. 

   Hannah was planning to use this work ethic to be a nurse. She was caring and kind, the type of person this profession needs. As I saw this bracelet on a day I didn’t want to be a nurse, I felt incredibly overwhelmed by the opportunity I have. I have the opportunity to be a nurse and have the attitude and spirit that Hannah would have. I picked up the bracelet and put it on, knowing that each day I have a choice for what attitude I choose to use. 

   We have the opportunity each day to approach life fully, with a good attitude. We are not promised tomorrow, but we are given the chance to make our lives count, no matter how short. We have the chance each day to choose to live happy. 

   

Hand Over the Control

How quickly do we let defeat enter our lives? 

I’ve been overcoming some anxiety in regards to my upcoming colonoscopy. For those of you that don’t know my background, I was diagnosed with Lynch Syndrome last year, so this is a yearly event for me. As this year’s procedure approaches, I find myself fighting the same battle of worry. 

After listening to a sermon podcast on this topic, I wonder, why am I so apt to relying on myself than trusting in Christ? I can’t perform the procedure myself, I can’t provide healing of my genetic make-up to myself. By worrying over this, I have allowed myself to be defeated. Victory is not in my hands. 

In sharing this, I want to help whoever is choosing to read this to see that we have a God who is capable of doing more than we realize. I know everyone has something in their life like this. I’m not the only person in the world that has a battle. In fact, your battle or challenge could quite possibly be worse than mine. That’s why I want to encourage anyone dealing with something similar. I want you to know that you have a God that loves you, that doesn’t want you to be defeated, and that cares deeply about everything you face. There is a God that is bigger than any challenge you walk through, and He won’t make you walk through it alone. You can trust Him, even when things are dark or feel unfair. 

Don’t allow defeat to enter your life. Often, I believe we impact the outcome of our lives by trying to control things ourselves. We allow defeat to come in when we remove the trust that belongs to God. We allow fear to creep in when we have more faith that our circumstances will overwhelm us, than our faith that God has our best in mind. Don’t trust your situation more than you trust the shelter God gives. 

So, I encourage you today, hand over the control. Let go of defeat. Give God a chance to work a miracle in your life. 

If you need prayer for something you’re going through, let me know. There is strength in walking through this life with the encouragement of others. 

One Moment

Life is a funny thing isn’t it? 

One moment you’re 16 years old, watching Gilmore Girls and dreaming about your one-day writing career, and the next moment you’re 25 sitting on your couch, with your work laptop doing work at home, mentally drained from your Director of Nursing position you obtained by getting a Bachelor’s in Science degree. One moment you’re 14 writing about your insecurities and how unworthy you feel, and the next moment you’re marrying your best friend and one of the most incredible men on the planet at 23, who reminds you every day of how worthy you are and can be. One moment you’re 10 years old following your Pawpaw around everywhere, telling him your dreams, and trying to convince him that, yes, a woman can be President, and if Hilary Clinton doesn’t beat you, it’s going to be you. The next moment you are 19 years old telling your Pawpaw that you’ll do your best to make him proud, and that it is alright for Him to go be with Jesus. One moment you are 13 years old, listening to all the wrong things, and wondering if you’ll ever make a difference, and the next moment you are 24 living in a different state and trying to reach the world with your husband. One moment you’re 15, unsure of what people will say, but you decide to give your life to Jesus, and the next moment you are 18 faced with decisions that test you to see if you will stay true to that promise. One moment you are 17 asking your mom what she thinks is best for your life, and the next moment, you are 25 still doing the same thing. 

I have learned that we all have these moments. Our life is filled with so many decisions each day that make us who we are. We all have difficult times that make us question everything we are, everything we want to be. Life has a way of throwing curve-balls, and daring us to fight--if we want to keep going. Thoughts of anxiety and insecurity can fight us from the inside, demanding us to rise above or sink deeper into those thoughts. Battles of all kinds from health concerns to financial struggle can attack at the most inopportune time. But I tell you this, FIGHT. No matter what is thrown at you, FIGHT! I was just looking back on my past, my life, and I know at the end of the day, I want it to be said that I fought to make each day count. I want to know that I fought past any obstacle, challenge, or internal struggle, and came out of it better. As you’re reading this, remember, you cannot get back any of your past. You cannot undo the decisions you have made. You can, however, choose to fight and choose to make every day of your life matter. You can get better and rise above whatever you are facing. (And yes, I know, it may not seem that way in the middle of the battle. It may not seem that way especially when you are fighting against defeat that seems to be inside of you, but you can get better.) You were called to be something wonderful, someone unlike anyone else. God gave YOU certain gifts, abilities, and talents unique to you, so that you can fulfill a purpose more amazing than you could've imagined. So I hope that, one moment you’re reading this wherever you are, and the next you move forward and make each day matter. 

Youth

Ecclesiastes 12:1 ,"Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;"

About a month ago, I was scheduled to undergo a procedure. When I made it back to the holding area, I had an interesting conversation with the nurse who was preparing me. To make small talk, she asked what I did for a living. I explained it to her, and she responded, "Wow, aren't you too young for that much responsibility?" I'll be honest, I wasn't completely sure how to respond, she was much older than me, and I fumbled together some kind of sarcastic (and what I thought was comical) comment. 

Since having that conversation, though, I have been thinking about where I am with my age. I'm 25, completed a Bachelor's degree, working in a management position in my career, and just purchased my first home, fully funded by only my husband and me. I felt proud of my accomplishments in comparison to the typical stereotype of millennials like myself. 

That thought made me realize there is a bigger problem at hand. The problem with that thinking is that I was comparing myself to the standards set for my generation. This triggered my thoughts, and I wondered, maybe the problem with the millennial generation is not their quality, but rather, the standard that people expect that they will maintain. My generation was trained to go to college, essentially waste that time by partying before reality hits, and cross your fingers that you actually get a job in your field (or at least a job you can tolerate that also pays your bills). My story was different than that, and I was responsible for working and handling reality once I embarked on my post-high school journey. Truthfully, at 25, 7-ish years out of high school, people should expect for me to function at a high level, not the other way around. By now, I should have learned to provide for myself, maintain a job, and function as an adult. This does not seem to be the norm, however. I know life circumstances always come, but why is there such an acceptance of this generation failing? 

Thinking back on generations prior, it was not an abnormal thing to hold much responsibility at a young age. Many women have had children headed toward their teen years by the time they are my age. Raising a human life is no small task. Even today, there are people my age that fight and offer to sacrifice their life for their country. That sacrifice is no small thing when you have your life ahead of you, and you have no guarantee of coming home after each battle. All the major battles of this country have involved passionate people of my age stepping up to bring our nation together. 

Considering these things actually makes me feel the opposite of proud of what I have done in my short time. There is a lot more that I can do with my life, and it would be a shame to agree with that person and start believing that I should limit myself based on my age. I really believe that for everyone, old or young. Age is just a number, and I would rather spend each moment of my life making an impact than believe I needed to wait to move forward until I got a bit older. As a generation as a whole, we need to quit limiting ourselves to the ideas that have been placed upon us. There is much more to life than working, coming home, eating, going to bed, and repeating the next day. Each person on this planet has a unique purpose, and this can be used to bless so many people. 

If you truly consider your age, whatever the number may be, you will realize truly how little time you have. Each moment you spend doing nothing, is a moment you have lost. I encourage you, don't look back on your life and wonder "what if" , but rather think until your last day, "What's next?". --That is truly living. 

Get To

So, I have the best husband ever. Can I just say that? 

Today I had a very important appointment. It was a GI follow up for Lynch Syndrome (see prior post for details). The main thing involved is the GI system, so it was a big deal. I've been thinking over and over about the situation, so I knew I would get some questions answered here. God provided the nicest physician, and he was so helpful! Even said eating a vegetarian diet was a good plan for me! I'm ahead of the game! 

Then he told me that each year until I'm 107 (I added in that last part lol, but each year until I meet Jesus) I'm going to have to get a colonoscopy done. For me, that's a major lifestyle change. Most people don't have those until they're 50. I made a bunch of jokes to Caleb about drinking the solution they give you, and us getting team colonoscopies when he turns 50.  On my way home, I brought up to Caleb though, I guess in fear that I was a bit intimidated by the information, that I was upset that this is going to be something I have to do every year. 

Caleb stopped me there and said, hon, this isn't something you have to do, but rather, get to do. You get to figure out about all this in time to do something about it. --That thought really convicted me. It made me think about all the things I get to do. I get to get preventive treatment on a disease relatively unheard of in other parts of the world. I get to be a step ahead of the game. I get to make good decisions now, realizing the importance of it. I get an advantage that my father, aunt, and grandmother didn't have. 

Outside of that condition, though, what else in my life is a get rather than a have? I get to go to church on Sunday, and freely worship the God in which I believe. I get to live in a free country because of the sacrifice people made. I got to vote this past year as a woman because of the sacrifice people made to give me that right. I get the opportunity to go to work and be productive and helpful to my family. I get to live in Indiana, close enough to the city to get what I need, and far enough away to have peace. I get to be a part of a family that loves me and cares for me. I get the amazing opportunity to read the Word of God in my own language. I get the opportunity to serve in our church. I get to live this specific life that God gave me, and is so much bigger than me. I get to be a tool in His plan. 

Thank God Caleb mentioned that. I have so many "get to's" and so many reasons to be thankful. I challenge everyone reading this, think of your "get to's" and thank God he gave them to you. It'll change your life in a matter of moments! 

And for any of you going through anything, remember, your greatest struggle will be your greatest victory. 

Even Now, He's Still God

   I woke up Sunday morning angry. I did not feel just passively flustered, but instead I felt I was to the point of explosion. I had read my Bible, did my morning routine, but I could not shake the sense of sheer anger I was feeling. Great way to head to church, isn't it?
   Let me back up before you all start to really question my mentality. Back in December, I had a health situation, and long story short, it led me to complete genetic testing for Lynch Syndrome. Lynch Syndrome is an inherited abnormality in your genetic make-up that predisposes you to multiple cancers of varying risks, the highest of which is colon cancer. This situation is not a cancer diagnosis, but a major risk factor in developing one of many cancers in your lifetime. My test results came back positive earlier this year.
   I've got to say, I took the news well. My mindset was positive, and I knew that knowing this risk will give me options. I transitioned to a Vegetarian diet. I set up all my preventive physician appointments. Knowledge is power, and I was going to do all I could to get all the knowledge on this as possible. With the exception of one breakdown, I thought I was doing well. Nothing can hold me back, and in the name of Jesus, I will prevail!
   I was doing great with this, until I got a call from a life insurance company. I've been working to get life insurance coverage, and I thought this particular company would be great. The call stated that since I still have a colon, I am ineligible for their coverage. I laughed it off at first. How funny is that! Denied coverage for having a colon, what a great story! I began relaying the story, but each time I told it I grew a bit angrier. Laughter turned to bitterness, and I then began relaying the story with complete disdain.
   It is funny how quickly we can spiral from positive thoughts to sheer anger. It is amazing how we can go from praising God to questioning His plans. I went from seeing the situation as a way to overcome and possibly help others to slowly inside questioning the fairness of it all. I'm only 25 years old---why should I have to go to all these physician appointments? Why do I have to constantly think about what i'm eating and the effect it is going to have on my body? Why does my genetic make-up have to be a risk factor for these kinds of problems? Why do I have to bear this particular burden?These are just a few of the many angry questions I spiraled into in the course of a few days.
   So, i'll be honest, I went to church feeling pretty sorry for myself, but mostly indignant about my current life situation. I went through the service as normal, and then pastor gave the title of the message which immediately told me God was thinking of me. The title of the message was, "He's Still God". Our Pastor told the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead. What stood out to me was the reaction of Martha, Lazarus' sister, in this story. I've always related to Martha, especially in the story where she is working when her sister, Mary, is worshiping God. Her attitude has always resonated with me. For some reason, I had never noticed her reaction in this story. John 11:21-22 says, "Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God wilt give it thee." Martha had faith that despite the circumstances, even now, right in the moment, God had control. This verse shows me that she knew this did not take Him by surprise, and even though the situation was beyond difficult, God had a plan.
   So imagine how someone so angry at her situation must have felt during a sermon like this? Truly, I needed to hear something about having a good attitude and counting my blessings, but instead God gave me words of hope and reassurance. This message showed me that God is not in the business of always telling us to get over ourselves (even when we need it). God is in the business of giving us reassurance, and helping us overcome, even when we do not deserve it. God has done so much for me--I am ashamed of the anger I've had. But God is so loving, that He did not want me to stay in anger. God wanted to remind me that He is still in control, and that I can depend on that. What a message that was for a hurting child. I'm telling you, this particular service was like God was right there, hugging me, and telling me that it was all going to be O.K. I pray all of you have moments like these with God, it is so wonderful when He gives you more than you deserve.
   All this being said, I knew God wanted me to tell others about this. As Hebrews 4:15 says, "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are; yet without sin." God knows the hurt, fear, anger, sadness, and everything we feel. God knew with Martha and Mary that they were sincerely grieving the loss of their loved one, but He did not leave them in despair. God wanted them to know they could depend on Him, and that He has the best plans possible for your life. I know that each person reading this has something different they are overcoming. Each person has their own set of struggles, and maybe you are struggling with your feelings about it. Maybe you are angry, fearful, or depressed. Give it to God! Even now, whatever you are facing, He is still in control! There is not a situation that you could be going through that He isn't big enough to solve. Romans 8: 38-39 says, "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." If nothing can separate us from His love, what can we accomplish and overcome when we allow that love to work in our lives?

An Open Letter to Republicans

    To all Republicans I know--This election year has really hurt. I've had many people question my intense distaste for the Republican Candidate for President. I believe if you saw things from my perspective, you'd understand why.
   Back in the year 2000, as an 8 year old girl, I started following elections. We even had a mock election in our school. My Mom and Pawpaw were Democrats voting for Gore, and as the most important people in my world at the time, I certainly thought that's how I needed to vote. I went to a public school, and the stances of each candidate were explained to me. The whole school was involved, and I fell in love with everything about it. It was then, as an 8 year old, I decided I would rather choose Bush, and I became a Republican. I promptly told my Pawpaw that I would run for President someday, sharing my new political views, and I asked if he would vote for me. He quickly told me no, as I was not only a Republican, but also a woman. (Yes, a Democrat said that!)  I've never been the type to be deterred, so I looked further into politics, and I read all that I could. I fell in love with the Reagan-era, and championed each election, even when I couldn't take part.
   I stood for the Republican Party in every way I could. In my Freshman year of college, I initially attended a private liberal arts school. Multiple people told me it was wrong to be a Republican, so I transformed a t-shirt I had to say, "I am a Conservative Republican". I wore it everywhere, along with my, "I only date Republicans" t-shirt. I was so proud of the party I identified with, and I could not wait for the moment that I would get to be involved in ushering in someone to be my generation's Ronald Reagan. What made it even better was the fact that my birthday happens to be January 20th, the day they inaugurate presidents.
   That being said, each year of my adult life it seems that the Republican Party deteriorates. This year, I believe everything I thought about the Republican Party has fallen to pieces. This year should have been the GOP's year to win. We were facing Hillary Clinton. All we needed was a strong candidate. We needed a true statesman, someone to champion American values. Someone who could be a beacon for Republican women to know they were supported, and someone to usher in the value of minorities in Republican voting. Instead of any of those things, what we got was Donald Trump.
   Why did we pick him? I believe it is because the GOP is at the weakest it has ever been. The platforms are still great platforms, but the GOP continues to struggle to connect with people my age. Instead of seeing strong people with a moral code, they see no differences in lifestyle from the Democratic Party. Republicans have stricter ideals for spending, healthcare, and big issues as a platform, but as real people they don't follow that same code. People aren't stupid, and my generation loves explanations. If we aren't backing up our viewpoints with our lives what is the point? If we champion things like cutting government spending, but bankrupt ourselves, people don't believe it. If we are not okay with abortion, but treat women in general like trash, people don't believe it. If we say we want to fix immigration issues, but we treat those of a different race like lesser members of society, PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE IT. If we ridicule Bill Clinton for his wrong actions, but have conversations about actions we've taken similarly, people don't believe it. So, what is the issue with the GOP? People don't believe us anymore. People don't believe the platform because they see the lives of our people. This is the problem I have with the candidate we have selected, but to be fair, it isn't just Donald Trump. It is the Republican Party as a whole right now.
   All of that being said, I'm not saying we're any worse than Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party, what I'm saying is we should be better. We should be much better. We all know that Obamacare doesn't work, and the debt this country has doesn't work. What are we doing to change it? Are we saying we support one thing, but condoning another? This is the underlying problem here. As much as it is hard to say, it is not just Donald Trump. Truthfully, was anyone really surprised by the awful things he said? Not at all. That is the hard part about seeing this election unfold. We aren't shocked, and we aren't concerned. We're apathetic solely in the name of trying to mindlessly defeat Hillary Clinton.
   Unfortunately, however, we're at a loss of choices here. For those of you hoping for a third-party candidate, how I was initially, it isn't going to happen. Right now, we're trapped in a two-party system. Although this election has shown me what the party is doing, it's a bit too little too late. We have two options. Choose wisely, and unfortunately, there are going to be repercussions to either of the candidates, one just may be a little less. The lesser of two evils is still evil. I think with this kind of situation that maybe it will give America a chance to wake up. I hope we take it.  And a reminder, no matter who is President, it doesn't change Who is in charge. Our world is not over because the GOP selected a bad candidate. Sometimes we need a wake up call. I'm hoping everyone uses this as one. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." It's not a great situation, but there's always hope.